Thursday, November 25, 2010

Life's lessons are still being learned.

Thanksgiving was more delicious than I had imagined it would be. Not exaggerating. Although none of the kids were here this trip, there were a lot of new in laws that most of the family hadn't met yet. It was nice not feeling like the newest member of the family anymore.
Even though the holiday has been great and i am so full of thanks, I still have trouble walking away from my past mistakes that seem to haunt me at the most inconvenient times. This sounds like a case of basic spiritual attacks but regardless, it's obnoxious and makes me feel undeserving.
To be realistic though, for once, who i was and what I've done is in the past and isn't who I am today. I've hurt, betrayed, lied, cheated, deceived, manipulated, and have totally trashed people in my life that i loved. However, i too have been hurt, betrayed, lied to, cheated on, deceived, manipulated and have been trashed. No one is perfect. There are things I'm not proud of that even Robbie doesn't know. If he wanted to know then id tell him but there are somethings that aren't even worth divulging.
Having an overactive conscience the size of Canada doesn't help either.
If I hadn't gone though what I have in the past 25 years, i wouldn't be the girl i am today. I often wonder if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Haha
Robbie and I have talked about this in the past and he's been more than helpful and supportive but there comes a point when i just need to move on and let the past be the past. I keep thinking I'm almost there until something comes up.
Im starting to notice that there will always be something that comes up. My memory cells are still kicking and alive so why wouldn't they? Letting go and believing that i am a different person helps. But knowing that i am not a perfect person and never will be helps even more. People struggle with the same things i do.
Acknowledging that I am no longer that person and having the courage to face myself with a renewed attitude of perseverance will get me through life's trials with minimal bumps and bruises.
So with this i say:
I am an imperfect human being with the ability to inspire hope in others.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Glimpse into the Future

Thanksgiving is nearly here and all I can think of are things that I am thankful for. ( who would have thought!). But in all seriousness, I am not as thankful as I need to be throughout the year like I am during November. If people could be this aware of things they are thankful for throughout their day to day life, the world would be a much healthier place.
I am thankful for a husband who knows me inside and out. the bright and the dark, yet still is there for me to lean on no matter how much I feel like I don't deserve it at times.
I am thankful for two cars. One is a blessing. I'm not sure what you would call the second one.
I am thankful for running water. How often I take for granted water being accessible is kind of disgusting. Kids walk miles for dirty water for their families, but we keep the fosset running aimlessly while we brush our teeth or clean dishes in the sink.
I am thankful for food in the kitchen, a roof over my head, people i can call friends, and financial stability. I am thankful for the ability to reach out and help others. I am thankful for all the things i take for granted on a daily basis.

Tomorrow, Robbie and I are going to Oak Ridge to be with his side of the family, which I am happy to also call my family as well. My mother-inlaw Sherry and Aunt Ann will make the majority of the food and some of the family will bring a dish. There's always a lot of people, food and quite a few kids now. The longer we are married, the more kids that are being produced. As of right now, I have 5 nieces and 1 nephew. I love them to death. I just hope I express it well to them now that they are young so they know I love them when they are older. I don't get to see them as often as I would like to because none of us live very close to one another. So thank God for the holiday's.

I'm looking forward to waking up tomorrow morning in Oak Ridge to the smell of coffee that I know Sherry will be making. I'll make my way to the wood bench that sits at the table overlooking her garden, and start on my first cup of coffee. Usually I just sit there and listen to everyone else talk while I start coming back to reality. I'm not sure why, but that's one of my favorite memories of thanksgiving morning.

Friday after thanksgiving we are heading to my mom's in Somerset, KY. For lunch we are going to grab some sushi so we don't spoil our thanksgiving dinner (there). We've already made the menu weeks ago. We've decided not to have any meat in our dinner since we would just prefer vegetables instead. I'm looking forward to spending some quality time with my mom and grandma. I enjoy sitting outside on the porch with my mom and a cup of whatever and just talk about whatever comes to our minds. I have a wonderful relationship with my mom that I wouldn't trade for anything. Just another thing that I am thankful for.

I hope my dad does something for thanksgiving. I hate that I can't always spend holiday's with him too. That's the price of having a very extended family ranging from 3 states. There's only so much I can do and still I feel like it's not enough.

I've been listening to the Beatles too much today.