Sunday, December 19, 2010
Today i hung out with some people from my church. Im amazed at how different other relationships are in relation to my own with Robbie. One couple who is newly married, about 3 months, are speaking of having kids in 2 years. Another couple who has been married 30 years was talking about how they had kids when they were 22 after being married for 2 years as well. When Robbie and i got married i had imagined being married for a couple of years and then having our first as well. In 2 weeks were celebrating our 4 year anniversary. It used to really bum me out having "the conversation" about kids with other couples... But now, it really doesn't bother me at all. Finally! I think I'm breathing the sweet air of maturity. I think had we had a child only after 2 years of being married, we would not be as stable, patient and close as we are now. I have grown so much in the past few years as a person and in our marriage. I think it takes me longer than most to catch on and learn.
But like I said about that couple who have been married 30 years, they are a happy and strong family- still together. Im glad it worked out for them, but i don't think it would have worked out for me. Im pretty selfish, and self centered at times that having a child 2 years ago would have been a train wreck.
Part of me wonders what kind of mother ill be, when I'll be a mother, etc. The other part of me wonders about Robbie- all the uncertainty i know he has about parenthood.
At home today i was pondering all of this while walking out of the bedroom and that's when i spotted Robbie dropping a box under the Christmas tree for me and looked at me like a deer in headlights. It made me so thankful for being in the present, at exactly where we were in that moment. I realized that we are where we're at in life because of what Gods plans are for us. A girl in my women's bible study told me that it's "all in Gods timing". I usually just glaze over crap like that but today it really hit me as truth.
Im perfectly content with my place and role in life right now. We have the luxury of picking up whenever we want to and travel, we can watch movies any night of the week and eat pizza and popcorn together, i can take naps in the afternoon if i want, do laundry when i feel like it, or have alone time whenever i want it. These examples are golden for people who have children that i usually take for granted. I have so much to be thankful for, and not having kids right now is one of them. I trust God.
Right now, I'm at Merridee's drinking a specialty coffee, blogging, at 5pm.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Today has been a mentally exhausting day. My cousin was stabbed this morning 3 times in the stomach and was in surgery this morning repairing how bowels that had been obstructed. The fact that i live in another state doesn't help with the anxiety either. I've been glued to my cellphone all day.
As of now he's recovering. Thank you Jesus,
What I've learned today is that i can not handle stress while being respectful. I expect those around me to understand what I'm feeling and to be like a golden retriever..
Its frustrating. Not only for me, but for Robbie. We had a huge argument today. I was being snappy and short with him. Disrespectful. Nothing hurts him more than disrespect. The whole time, I'm not even aware of my tone or the way I'm acting because i was so absorbed with how my cousin was doing and if he was going to live.
Two volatile emotions. Disrespect and desperation. A snowball of increased pain.
Forgiveness and letting go. Robbie and i are both blessed with being able to forgive easily and let go eventually. - the eventually being me. I think its a woman thing.
Its snowing really hard out today- side ways. Its beautiful. I'm at a small coffee shop close to home- the hot spot- while robbie is educating someone on personal finances. Life is so fragile and precious, yet i still feel bullet proof. Only age can explain something that foolish.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Thanksgiving was more delicious than I had imagined it would be. Not exaggerating. Although none of the kids were here this trip, there were a lot of new in laws that most of the family hadn't met yet. It was nice not feeling like the newest member of the family anymore.
Even though the holiday has been great and i am so full of thanks, I still have trouble walking away from my past mistakes that seem to haunt me at the most inconvenient times. This sounds like a case of basic spiritual attacks but regardless, it's obnoxious and makes me feel undeserving.
To be realistic though, for once, who i was and what I've done is in the past and isn't who I am today. I've hurt, betrayed, lied, cheated, deceived, manipulated, and have totally trashed people in my life that i loved. However, i too have been hurt, betrayed, lied to, cheated on, deceived, manipulated and have been trashed. No one is perfect. There are things I'm not proud of that even Robbie doesn't know. If he wanted to know then id tell him but there are somethings that aren't even worth divulging.
Having an overactive conscience the size of Canada doesn't help either.
If I hadn't gone though what I have in the past 25 years, i wouldn't be the girl i am today. I often wonder if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Haha
Robbie and I have talked about this in the past and he's been more than helpful and supportive but there comes a point when i just need to move on and let the past be the past. I keep thinking I'm almost there until something comes up.
Im starting to notice that there will always be something that comes up. My memory cells are still kicking and alive so why wouldn't they? Letting go and believing that i am a different person helps. But knowing that i am not a perfect person and never will be helps even more. People struggle with the same things i do.
Acknowledging that I am no longer that person and having the courage to face myself with a renewed attitude of perseverance will get me through life's trials with minimal bumps and bruises.
So with this i say:
I am an imperfect human being with the ability to inspire hope in others.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
I am thankful for a husband who knows me inside and out. the bright and the dark, yet still is there for me to lean on no matter how much I feel like I don't deserve it at times.
I am thankful for two cars. One is a blessing. I'm not sure what you would call the second one.
I am thankful for running water. How often I take for granted water being accessible is kind of disgusting. Kids walk miles for dirty water for their families, but we keep the fosset running aimlessly while we brush our teeth or clean dishes in the sink.
I am thankful for food in the kitchen, a roof over my head, people i can call friends, and financial stability. I am thankful for the ability to reach out and help others. I am thankful for all the things i take for granted on a daily basis.
Tomorrow, Robbie and I are going to Oak Ridge to be with his side of the family, which I am happy to also call my family as well. My mother-inlaw Sherry and Aunt Ann will make the majority of the food and some of the family will bring a dish. There's always a lot of people, food and quite a few kids now. The longer we are married, the more kids that are being produced. As of right now, I have 5 nieces and 1 nephew. I love them to death. I just hope I express it well to them now that they are young so they know I love them when they are older. I don't get to see them as often as I would like to because none of us live very close to one another. So thank God for the holiday's.
I'm looking forward to waking up tomorrow morning in Oak Ridge to the smell of coffee that I know Sherry will be making. I'll make my way to the wood bench that sits at the table overlooking her garden, and start on my first cup of coffee. Usually I just sit there and listen to everyone else talk while I start coming back to reality. I'm not sure why, but that's one of my favorite memories of thanksgiving morning.
Friday after thanksgiving we are heading to my mom's in Somerset, KY. For lunch we are going to grab some sushi so we don't spoil our thanksgiving dinner (there). We've already made the menu weeks ago. We've decided not to have any meat in our dinner since we would just prefer vegetables instead. I'm looking forward to spending some quality time with my mom and grandma. I enjoy sitting outside on the porch with my mom and a cup of whatever and just talk about whatever comes to our minds. I have a wonderful relationship with my mom that I wouldn't trade for anything. Just another thing that I am thankful for.
I hope my dad does something for thanksgiving. I hate that I can't always spend holiday's with him too. That's the price of having a very extended family ranging from 3 states. There's only so much I can do and still I feel like it's not enough.
I've been listening to the Beatles too much today.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
"Genes from other plants, viruses, bacteria, animals, etc. are inserted into the genes of certain products such as corn to make them more stable and resistant to drought, disease and pesticides." (source)
Examples of GMO's in the US:
- Rats and human genes in trout : link
- Spider genes in goats : link
- human genes in corn and rice : link
- Fish genes in tomatoes : link
- Corn or cow genes in salmon : link
The FDA is considering approving genetically engineered salmon "transgenic fish", from a company called AquAdvantage, for human consumption. This will be the first genetically engineered animal approved as food. This information was made public today. On a 2007 FDA docket about AquAdvantage transgenic salmon, Professor Joe Cummins and Dr. Mae-Wan Ho concluded that "Foods derived from genetically modified animals are likely to be contaminated by potent vaccines, immune regulators, and growth hormones, as well as nucleic acids, viruses, and bacteria that have the potential to create pathogens and to trigger cancer." (source)
Check it out for yourself. AquAdvantage. It's all about productivity, not health.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
Thursday, July 8, 2010
I can't wait till Fall is here. When i walk outside to my car after work, my glasses shouldn't fog up. That's just gross. If i wanted my surroundings to fog up on me, i would take a shower.
James 4:14-15: "You don't know the first thing about tomorrow. You're nothing but a wisp of fog, catching a brief bit of sun before disappearing. Instead, make it a habit to say, 'If the Master wills it and we're still alive, we'll do this or that.' "
I should really start appreciating the time that i have at this moment rather than having my eyes transfixed on the future or past. It's nothing more than a vision, a dream.. and the last time i checked, my dreams are pretty messed up and i don't want to be there either.
I got a letter from my sponsor child, Shege, today. I would love to meet her, wrap my arms around her and tell her how proud i am of her. She tells me that she loves me through our letters. It's so humbling.. I asked her what she wanted me to pray for and she told me to pray that poverty would come to an end in her country. Doesn't Andy Stanley tell us to pray big?
Pray that everyday.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
I am having a really hard time trying to figure out a basic topic to blog about. Since i'm a naturally random person it only seems fitting to have a blog that reflects who i am. However- that's blogging without a purpose. Or maybe that is the purpose. To blog without reason.
To be honest, i'm happy with being random. unorganized. and messy. This is a place where i can be a complete scatterbrained disaster.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
i'm not a "GO GREEN" fanatic, but when i come across something that is awesome and eco-friendly, then why not? You'd think it would be more expensive but it's not. It might even make you sound cool in a conversation, but seriously.. bamboo flooring looks sweet. The kind i posted here is tiger stripe. creative name... i know.
Some basic facts about bamboo flooring:
- Bamboo is harder than other hard floors. It's more durable.
- Bamboo matures in less than two years making it a very renewable resource, where as hardwood floors are made from trees often hundreds of years old (often rain forest woods) and contributes to deforestation.
- Bamboo flooring is an inexpensive alternative to hardwood flooring.
- Bamboo floors are environmentally friendly. Bamboo hardwood floors are recognized by the US Green Building Counsel as a sustainable product and a low-emitting product. Made with safe resins and extremely low formaldehyde emissions, bamboo flooring is an excellent floor for healthy homes.
- Bamboo is a grass, the use of pesticides and fertilizers is not needed.
- Bamboo flooring is less susceptible to water damage than most traditional hardwood floors, but it’s still susceptible.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
Buying towels has been a challenge. Not because of the pattern or design.. My experience has always resulted in returning them. Maybe i'm just getting cheap towels, but when i would wash them, the little fibers would get everywhere. This might be happening because I've only tried getting them at walmart..
I had this brilliant idea once to go to walmart at 3:00am on black Friday to get new towels. (the ones marked down to 3 dollars, as if that wasn't a big enough clue that these would be horrendous) Again, these were returned within days with the exception of one that ended up getting bleached on accident.
Bad experience with towels. I stick with handmedown towels. They're guaranteed not to shed.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
As soon as i saw this i couldn't imagine my cat's life without it. ha
It doesn't look all to hard to make.
step 1: find a "vintage" suitcase. thriftstore.
step 2: make a pillow with my favorite pattern.
step 3: watch the dumpsters for old furniture being thrown away and take the legs
step 4: put it all together. Find cat.
I've been roaming the internet finding some really cool things that i would like and try to make myself. Random things like a suitcase bed for a cat, to a dress that i'd like to figure out how to make. I have a habit of seeing things i like and thinking "I can do that!" and then i never do.
This can hold me accountable to a certain degree and give me a place to host the things i find most intriguing.
Now Ankle Spats? Totally new to me. I think they're super cute, and i've seen them on people but never had a clue as to what they were, or called. I always thought it was apart of the shoe but NO.
These could easily be made. I found a pair of crocheted ones.